Now that you are a parent there are many skills that you must adapt to very quickly. We are confident that you want to be the most loving and best parent you can be. This guide is intended to provide you with many answers to the many questions new parents and even veteran parents may have in our ever changing society. Always remember that love, the caring and the time you put into your childs relationship is very instrumental in determining your childs outcome.
When a pregnant woman smokes, whether it is marijuana or not, substances enter the blood stream of the fetus through the placenta, just as if the fetus were smoking. The effects of marijuana, just like the effects of any substance, can be very different for each individual. Your granddaughters infant will be a unique individual, different from the babies of her friends, so there is no way for her to know, beyond all doubt, whether her child will be unaffected by her smoking.
Some types of physical or neurological damage that occur during pregnancy do not show up in newborns, but show up later when the child is a toddler or elementary school student. Some young mothers may not have any problems with their babies now, but may or may not have some later.
As to the drinking, it really depends on what a mother-to-be drinks, how much she drinks, and on how this affects the uniquely individual fetus that will be her infant. Drinking alcohol can be dangerous, and in many cases it causes FAS, or fetal alcohol syndrome, one of the leading causes of mental retardation and birth defects.
FAS babies are often prone to convulsions, poor bone growth, heart conditions, or hyperactivity. Mental retardation caused by FAS may not be detected for months or even years after birth, and it can cause borderline to severe learning disabilities.
Part of the problem is that the pregnant mother who drinks can excrete most of her alcohol, but the fetus cannot. The alcohol enters the fetal bloodstream through the placenta and reduces the oxygen supply to the brain and nervous system. Then it just stays in the amniotic fluid.
Unfortunately, even though drinking during pregnancy can cause lifelong problems for the child and the parents, many pregnant women seem unaware of the danger.
"You are what you eat" is a phrase that has some merit, especially when you are pregnant. It is never too late to improve your eating habits. Poor maternal nutrition can have serious effects on the growing baby. These include: low birthweight babies, increased incidence of premature birth, and increased risk of miscarriage, to name a few.
Weight reduction diets, while pregnant, can cause grave harm to the baby. Discuss your dietary habits with your physician. Each woman is an individual with unique requirements. However, there are some common, basic needs of most pregnant women. The average weight gain to be desired in pregnancy is 24-30 pounds. Most weight gains are shown in the last thirteen weeks. Just as severe weight restrictions may be harmful, excessive weight gain may also cause severe harm. This may also be indicative of underlying diabetes in pregnancy.
Nutrition in pregnancy is a balancing act of eating the right foods without overeating or dieting. Depending on what reference source you use, the average daily caloric intake required by a healthy, pregnant woman is around 2,400 calories. This is about 300 calories more per day than the non-pregnant state. This number varies with the individual and their circumstances, so consult a physician.
Calcium: About 1,200 calories of calcium per day is needed. This can be found in milk, cheese, yogurt, or cottage cheese. Calcium can also be found in some leafy vegetables such as broccoli and spinach, but they are not as readily absorbed. Four cups of milk per day should supply you with enough calcium.
Protein: Protein is needed to help with the growth of your fetus. Your protein needs are about double versus the non-pregnant state. Besides milk, you will need two servings of either meat, fish, poultry, and an additional serving of either grains, nuts, beans, rice or pasta.
Iron: Few women consume enough iron, therefore, many women are required to take iron pills. Ask your doctor about what nutritional requirements you need at your first prenatal visit.
The foundation of your baby's solid growth and development is based on a healthy lifestyle begun early in your pregnancy.
Consult your physician before taking ANY medication while pregnant. Alcohol can be a poison to the fetus. Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is a condition in which the newborn has multiple deformities and can be mentally retarded; all of this is directly related to alcohol consumption. The risks are dose related, therefore, AVOID ALL ALCOHOL.
Smoking cigarettes during pregnancy can be very harmful and since it is a harmful habit I have included it in this matter of Drugs and Pregnancy. There may be an increased risk of miscarriage, intrauterine growth retardation, and lower birth weights. There may be even long term physical and intellectual problems as a child develops. Also, avoid passive smoking. That is, someone smoking next to you.
Marijuana smoking should also be avoided at all costs, as should cocaine and other drugs.
Caffeine should be avoided, or at least its consumption should be cut down. There appears to be no direct harmful effects on the developing fetus when used in moderation (less than two cups), however, I still recommend to my patients that they have no caffeine while they are pregnant.
Of all the things you do in your pregnancy for your baby, the most important is to avoid all drugs. I cannot emphasize that enough.
Most women when they are pregnant will be given a prenatal multi-vitamin, which includes all the daily vitamins that they will need, plus folic acid.
Folic acid is very important in pregnancy. Folic acid is required in your increased maternal metabolism, and red blood cell formation. All the folic acid that is needed should be found in your prenatal multi-vitamin.
Vitamins are very important to the developing fetus. However, you should be aware that too much can cause grave problems in the baby, so consult your physician before taking ANY vitamins or supplements.
A well balanced diet, good eating habits, and common sense will give you a good foundation for the start of a healthy, happy pregnancy.
Without exception the most common complaint that I get from patients during the first thirteen weeks of pregnancy is that of nausea and vomiting. This is commonly referred to as "morning sickness" but that can be a misnomer since it can and often does occur any time of the day.
If the vomiting is persistent, you may become dehydrated. This can deprive your baby of essential nutrients. We are still not sure what causes the severe vomiting, but it may be related to increased hormones during pregnancy. There are several things that can be done to alleviate nausea:
The first line of treatment is small, frequent meals consisting of bland foods. Avoid fried, greasy or heavy foods. Also drink small amounts of liquid frequently. Eating crackers and dry toast first thing in the morning may help. If the vomiting persists, you may need to be hospitalized and receive intravenous fluids. This will give both you and your baby the necessary nutrition you both need.
Remember -- always consult your doctor if you are having nausea and vomiting all during your pregnancy. The solution may be simple. Recently, I had a patient who had complained of nausea which persisted for ten days. It occurred the same time, every night, just after going to bed. It seemed that she had a craving for burritos, in which she would indulge just prior to going to bed. Remember, the solution may be simple!
A day does not go by without all of us being exposed to some chemicals found in the food we eat. This does not mean that all of these chemicals are all bad. Some, in fact, may even be beneficial. If you are unsure about the safety of a certain food, the best thing to do is to simply not eat it. Using your own common sense is your best guide.
There are several things you can do to try to eat only healthy foods, and avoid those that may be harmful:
The first thirteen weeks of pregnancy are known as the "First Trimester." Here is a rundown of the growth patterns in your baby as well as the effects you will notice in yourself.
During the First Trimester your baby will have grown about 3 inches in length. All of his/her major organs will have developed.
The noticeable sign or symptom that you are pregnant may be breast tenderness, and nausea or vomiting. You will have little, if any, weight gain. Your baby is still in the embryo stage. The organs are just starting to form.
The embryo now becomes a fetus. The arms, hands, and legs start to form. Other organs such as the liver and stomach are developing. You may slowly start to gain weight, and may tire more easily. Your diet is very important, and you may already be taking prenatal vitamins.
By this time, your baby is about 3 inches long and weighs about an ounce. His or her arms and legs begin to move, but you still will not feel them. Sexual organs are developing now. Your clothes may begin to feel tight, as the uterus begins to grow out of the pelvis. There may be a weight gain of three to four pounds by now.
The Second Trimester or the Middle Months, runs from your fourteenth through your twenty-sixth week of pregnancy. During this time, your baby will grow to about 14 inches and weigh about 1 1/2 pounds. The nausea and vomiting you were experiencing in the First Trimester should have resolved by now.
By this time, your baby will be 8 to 10 inches long with the weight of about 6 ounces. This is the month you begin to show. You may even begin to feel the baby moving.
Your baby will have grown to about 12 inches and weigh about 1 pound. You may feel more distinct fetal movement, and your partner may also be able to feel the baby move with his hand.
At this point, your baby weighs about 1 1/2 pounds and is about 14 inches long. If you have any ultrasound done at this time, you may even see your baby sucking his or her thumb! You may also find out the sex of your baby. He or she is fully formed now, but needs more time to grow and mature. Remember to eat properly and take care of yourself since you are now going to enter the final three months of pregnancy.
The last three to four months of your pregnancy is when your baby gains the most weight. By your due date, he or she may weigh between 6 to 9 pounds. You may find yourself more tired during this time. You should have everything ready at home for the big day.
Your baby is now about 15 inches and weighs only 2 to 2 1/2 pounds. There may be some swelling of your ankles. If this occurs, let your doctor know. Keeping your feet elevated, when possible, may help any accompanying discomfort.
Your baby should be growing rapidly. He or she now weighs about 4 pounds and is about 16 inches long. You should feel your baby moving. If you think he or she is moving less than normal, immediately notify your doctor.
You have made it!! This is the home stretch! During these last four weeks you may still gain about 1/2 a pound per week. You may even have noticed your baby drop. You should see your doctor at least once a week, and maybe more, if needed. You have now completed a term pregnancy and you will deliver your new baby very soon. Hopefully, this will be a very rewarding and positive experience for you and your family!
Recent research indicates that the growing fetus is more than an unfeeling organism, but that it is actually an active learner!
Experiments done with fiber optics, for example, show that the fetus turns away when light is shined on it; other studies show an increase in heart rate and changes in the movement in the fetus when loud music is played, or when the mother is experiencing states of stress. These observations suggest that even before birth there are specific behaviors being modified and changed in response to experience, and that the fetus is in the process of learning all about them.
You can take advantage of these findings and use your pregnancy as an opportunity to begin the process of educating your child.
You're bloated, you're nauseous, you're retaining water and you're not feeling particularly sexy. All of those symptoms don't mean that your sex drive is gone or that your partner's is either. Here are some important points to remember: It is important to continue your physical relationship through your pregnancy and, although this surprises many women and men, it is safe to engage in sex during pregnancy.
How far along in the pregnancy can you continue to make love? Through the ninth month! You and your partner may have to improvise positions, and you will have to remember to be gentle. Also, your baby is oblivious to your lovemaking.
The point is that in most cases sex is safe in pregnancy, however, there are certain conditions in which your doctor may tell you that you cannot have sex. Your doctor may tell you to abstain from sex if you have an unusual placental position, or if you are having a certain high risk pregnancy, which pre-disposes you to pre-term labor. Make sure that you ask your doctor. If your doctor tells you that no sex is allowed, you can still do a lot of things together, they include, touching, holding and keeping a warm enriching relationship.
Some women will find that their sex drive significantly increases during their pregnancy, while others will experience a decreased interest in sex. The same holds true for fathers. The most important thing here is to be open. Talk freely with your partner, and continue to build upon your warm, healthy relationship.
It is bad enough having a cold when you're not pregnant. Being pregnant and sick is an absolutely awful feeling. The most important thing you can do for yourself while you are pregnant is to keep from getting sick. How do you do this? Quite simply, eat well, get enough sleep, and do not overwork yourself. Prevention is the key.
But most importantly, stay away from people who are sick!
After all the precautions you take, you may still come down with a cold. It is important to understand that this will not harm your baby, but it will surely make you feel under the weather. If you feel sick, call your doctor. There are several things you can do for yourself if you do get ill.
A cold is usually self-limiting, and after a few days, you will be back to your normal self.
Modern medicine has made tremendous progress in the care of the diabetic pregnant woman. Today, most diabetic mothers will deliver normal, healthy babies if they have good prenatal care. This takes effort by the mother-to-be, including more frequent office visits, frequent blood sugar testing, closely following insulin requirements, and close diet control.
Every pregnant woman should be screened for diabetes. Some women may be diabetic only when pregnant. This is known as Gestational Diabetes. This usually can be controlled by diet alone. If your blood sugars remain high, you will require insulin. Failure to control your blood sugar greatly increases the risk of poor outcome in your baby. It may even cause intrauterine death.
Following your doctor's orders are crucial to a good outcome.
A good diet, sensible weight gain, exercise, rest and regulating your insulin requirements will help maintain a healthy fetus. Careful monitoring of blood sugars and early fetal monitoring should be done. You will also most likely have several ultrasounds.
Women who are well controlled during the pregnancy can have a normal, healthy baby. This takes time and effort on your part, but is time well spent!
The most common cause of anemia in pregnancy is iron deficiency. It is important to be tested for anemia at your very first prenatal visit. Even if you are not anemic at the time of your first visit, you may still develop anemia as your pregnancy progresses.
Many physicians will test you several times throughout your pregnancy. Being tired, weak or pale are some of the symptoms of anemia. There are several instances in which a woman is at high risk to develop anemia. These include:
Most women who are pregnant are given iron supplements to prevent developing iron deficiency. Eating iron rich foods, such as liver, spinach and dried fruits may be helpful.
There are many types of anemia other than iron deficiency. If you think you may be anemic, see your doctor. The answer may be as simple as eating liver or spinach.
Being an asthmatic in pregnancy does put you at a higher risk than usual, however, this risk can be greatly reduced if your asthma is controlled and you are followed by an internist as well as your obstetrician. Well-controlled asthma has only a minimal effect on pregnancy, while the pregnancy, itself, may affect your asthma. In about one-third of pregnant women, their asthma actually improves! In another third, it worsens. And, in the last third, there is no change.
The key to a good outcome includes:
If you start having an asthmatic attack, call your doctor immediately, and take only drugs prescribed by your physician. If you take good care of yourself, and your asthma, you should have an easy pregnancy. If you have any concerns, call your doctor. Preventing any problems is the goal to a normal, healthy pregnancy.
More and more women are recognizing that it is vital that they keep track of their blood pressure during the months of their pregnancy. However, it is important that you not over react to slight variances in the blood pressure readings. Your blood pressure varies depending on the circumstances. For instance, your reading will be high if you've just had an argument at work prior to coming in for your check-up.
At each prenatal visit, you should have your blood pressure checked, preferably while lying on your left side. If you already have high blood pressure, also known as hypertension, and are on medication prior to the start of your pregnancy, consult your physician.
Certain drugs are safer than others while pregnant. It is very important to keep your blood pressure as normal as possible. If your blood pressure begins to rise during pregnancy, your doctor will keep a close watch for pre-eclampsia. This is a very serious condition, which usually requires delivery of the baby.
There are several signs and symptoms involved in diagnosing pre-eclampsia:
High blood pressure in pregnancy places you at a high risk, but with close supervision, you should have a normal, healthy pregnancy.
As many as twenty million Americans have genital herpes. The infection is transmitted by contact, almost always sexually. You don't have to have a lesion to be infected. The lesion can be very painful, but are relatively harmless to the adult. It can, however, be deadly to the newborn if he or she contacts the disease.
Herpes infections recur periodically. It may be only once a year, or as frequent as every month. Certain factors may trigger a recurrence: the lack of sleep, stress, sunburn, and poor nutrition are just a few.
The pregnant woman can pass a virus to her baby if she has an active or a chancre virus from her cervix. If you are in labor and have a lesion, you will need a caesarian section.
Only last year, obstetricians were doing weekly herpes cultures on the cervix after 36 weeks gestation. If the cultures were negative, you were allowed a vaginal delivery unless, of course, you developed a lesion. For certain women, the new recommendation by the American College of Obstetrics and Gynecology is no longer to do weekly cultures, since it takes 3-4 days to get the results and the information you then have does not pertain to your current condition. Your individual management will depend on your physician.
It is very important that the father be involved with the pregnancy as much as possible. All of the attention during a pregnancy is usually placed with the mother, and then the newborn baby. It is easy and unfortunately quite common to forget all about the father. The father will have many fears which can be laid to rest by having him ask questions and being an integral part of the pregnancy. The father's typical fears will include:
Remember, both of you are a team, a family. Grow together and learn together. This should be an exceptionally positive experience for both mother and father.
This may be the first time you're hiring someone to work for you, unless you've had personnel experience at work. It's natural to be a little ill at ease at first when you begin the process, but keep in mind that the person being interviewed will in most cases be nervous too.
If you're expecting a baby, you might think you've prepared your family, your house and your life adequately for the big event, but wait - have you prepared your pet? Don't laugh; it's important if you want your dog or cat and the baby to become good friends. Here's what a nationally recognized animal trainer suggests:
1. Be sure your pet is well trained and will sit and stay on command. It's easy to say, but you may even want to consider obedience training.
2. Teach your pet not to jump if that's been a problem. As silly as it sounds, you might practice walking around the house, carrying a doll just to get your pet used to the idea.
3. If you can arrange it, let your pet spend a little time with a friend's baby to get used to the difference between adults and kids.
4. And, before you bring the baby home from the hospital, let your pet sniff a blanket that the baby has slept with to get used to the unfamiliar scent.
5. Finally, and this will remind you of tips for helping a first child adjust to a new baby, when you come home from the hospital with the baby, spend a few minutes alone with the pet to assure it of your continuing affection.
If you're expecting your second child, one of your concerns is probably how to prepare your first child for the appearance of a sibling. Here are some tips:
1. You probably shouldn't divulge the great news as soon as you find out you're pregnant. Nine months can seem like a long time for you, but it's an absolute eternity to a toddler. Your child may feel as if he or she will be displaced, "disthroned", some say, by the baby. After all, the toddler has had you all to his or herself up till now.
2. Stress the positive by saying such things as, "You're going to be a big sister," instead of "You're going to have a baby sister."
3. Speak of the baby as "ours", not just "mommy's".
4. Make any big changes, like moving your child to a new room or a big bed, well before the baby is due so your child will feel like he or she is growing up, not being pushed out. Don't actually deprive your toddler of your attention, but ease up a bit.
5. Share child care with your spouse if you haven't already done so. And, you might want to think about leaving your child with a sitter more occasionally.
6. Get a baby doll too for your child, if you like, and maybe even outfit the old one with new clothes and equipment. That way you can start letting your child practice being gentle with the new baby.
Loving your baby and being excited about parenthood is the very best thing you can do every day. But knowing what to expect often helps you to be better prepared and to enjoy it even more.
Hospitals or doctor's offices will give you free magazines or pamphlets with guidelines for about eight to twelve weeks. You will also find helpful books in stores or the library, such as Dr. Spock's famous book on babies and their care.
Remember that you are giving your baby wonderful stimulation for growth with your love and interest. He learns to thrive from the way you handle him, your facial expression, and your tone of voice. He learns about both you and the world by seeing, hearing and feeling. He communicates his needs for comfort and food with his movement, expression and voice.
Infants are stimulated by brightly colored wall hangings, mobiles, mirrors, light, and the smells and sounds around them. They enjoy the sounds of tinkling chimes, softly played music, your own singing and humming, and even the simple noises of clocks. They also enjoy massage, changes in body position, cuddling and being rocked. The best "Tip" is to enjoy this time with your baby. Each moment is a once in a lifetime experience.
In the 1950's, a French obstetrician named Ferdinand Lamaze observed Russian women in labor using a method known as "Psychoprofilaxis" -- this literally means "mind prevention." He altered the method to fit into Western culture. Dr. Lamaze referred to this technique as "painless childbirth."
In reality, we know better. There really is no such thing as "painless" childbirth. This method involves the use of distraction, during contractions, to decrease the perception of pain or discomfort.
Several key points used in this technique include:
The Lamaze method of delivery can help reduce the pain of labor and birth. Relaxation is the cornerstone of comfort during labor. Lamaze educates the patient about labor and delivery as do other methods and will hopefully help her enjoy the experience of bringing her new baby into the world.
The Bradley method, like that of Lamaze, tries to educate patients and their partners about labor and delivery. As in Lamaze, this technique encourages active participation. The mother relies on passive concentration, and tries to remain aware of what is actually happening as the labor progresses.
There have been some criticisms of this method as being too passive. The mother must have an exceptionally good rapport with her doctor. She must be open to the need for intervention, if the doctor or midwife feels it is necessary. As long as there are no complications and the fetus is doing well, the Bradley can be a relaxed and peaceful experience.
There are several other methods of delivery that are less common than Lamaze or Bradley.
The LeBoye method believes in eliminating the birth trauma by avoiding common delivery room practices. There are numerous criticisms of this method. However, there are several points brought out by LeBoye which can enhance the experience of delivery. These include:
Whatever birth method you choose, have a close relationship with your doctor or midwife, and keep a positive outlook on the experience.
frightening things that can occur in a pregnancy is going into premature, or what is known as early labor. The severity of the situation depends on how far along you are in the pregnancy. If you are only two weeks early, there are rarely any problems.
There are numerous factors which may place you at a high risk of going into pre-term labor. These include:
Most causes of pre-term labor are unknown. If you feel you may be having contractions, call your doctor immediately. The earlier the diagnosis and treatment, the better chance of stopping labor is going to be.
Pre-term labor is scary, but in most cases your chances of having a healthy baby are good. Remember, lowering your risks are the key to improving your chances of a term pregnancy.
False labor, or prodromal labor, is surely one of the most frustrating times in any woman's pregnancy. Imagine, you have been pregnant for nine months now, and you are really ready for this baby but after several episodes of false labor makes you doubt if you will ever see this baby.
False labor may last for a few hours to several days.
You probably have not begun labor if:
Don't be frustrated by false labor. The real thing is right around the corner! There are two very important things to remember:
1. Do not hesitate to call your doctor. That's what he or she is there for.
2. Your baby should still be active as it normally is.
It is not true that babies move less when you go into labor. If it does, it could be a sign of danger. If you are in false labor, try to relax as much as possible. Eat only light meals and keep in contact with your doctor. If you are up to it, walking may help speed things up.
By the time you have reached the point where real labor sets in, your practitioner should have reviewed all of the signs and symptoms of labor. He or she should have instructed you in the when's and how's of contacting them when the time comes.
You are probably in real labor if:
If you have regular contractions, and your membranes rupture, you are most likely in regular labor. The crucial thing to remember is, if you think you are in labor, call your doctor, day or night. DO NOT HESITATE!
There are many ways to deal with early active labor. This depends on both your desires and that of your doctor. Discuss this with your practitioner. Explain to him or her exactly what it is that you would like to do. Some women prefer to walk for as long as they can, while others prefer to lie in bed.
This is a time you have been waiting for and, hopefully, it will be a positive and fulfilling experience!
Labor is an exciting, rewarding experience for both the mother and father. There is, without doubt, pain and stress on the mom. The fetus, in most instances, will tolerate labor well. However, there is an element of risk that cannot be overlooked. That is why all babies should be monitored while in labor.
The fetal monitoring measures a baby's response to the uterine contractions. Your physician will be able to pick up any signs of stress or distress to the baby. There are two types of fetal monitoring:
Your doctor should explain to you the reason he or she feels you need an internal monitor. Internal monitoring does not mean "ceasarian section". It means your baby needs close observation. Many lives have been saved because of fetal monitoring, so do not be scared if you need one. You should be secure in knowing your baby is being closely watched.
Episiotomy is a surgical technique that was first originated in Ireland in the 1700's. Today it has become a very common and minor surgical procedure performed in the majority of births.
An episiotomy is an incision made to enlarge the vaginal opening before the baby's head is delivered. It is performed in as many as 80 - 90% of all first births. There are two types: the mid-line, and medial-lateral. Both have their pluses and minuses. You can find physicians on both ends of the spectrum as to whether or not an episiotomy is needed in all deliveries. The advantages include:
Those who oppose episiotomy state that:
These physicians feel that local massage and Kegel exercises during the pregnancy, basically a muscle tightening exercise, will prepare the perineum for delivery.
Most physicians will agree that whether or not an episiotomy is needed, it is a decision that should be made at the time of delivery as the baby's head is crowning.
Some women do not need episiotomies and there are some that do. Let your practitioner know what your feelings are long before you go into labor.
After delivery, the second most common question asked after "What sex is it?" are "What are his/her Apgar scores?"
The Apgar is a quick assessment of overall newborn well being. The scores are given at one minute and five minutes of life. This test was developed by Dr. Virginia Apgar. There are five signs that are evaluated during the Apgar evaluation:
1. The baby's color
2. His/her heart rate
3. The baby's reflex
4. His/her muscle tone
5. The baby's respiratory effort
A score of 10 and 10 is perfect. You should know that rarely does anyone get an Apgar of 10 and 10, since no one is perfect. The Apgar score is just a general score for immediate evaluation. A score of 7 or better for either the one or five minute mark is a good score. Many babies with scores with less than that still do very, very well!
The first month with your newborn baby is going to be a lot of fun. Here's what you can expect:
1. A lot of sneezing and hiccupping. This is perfectly normal.
2. Mottling of the skin when the clothes are removed - also normal.
3. Mucus accumulating in the corners of the eye and in the nose. This should be wiped away very carefully.
4. Cradle cap of the scalp - the yellowish scalp crusting seen during the first month and easy to cure with baby oil, a fine tooth comb and a shampoo.
5. Frequent startling and crying, along with noisy and irregular breathing.
6. Light sleeping, easily awakened, and very few sleeping through.
7. Cheesing or spitting up after almost every feeding.
8. A diaper that is almost continually wet, and so diaper rash is a problem.
9. The ability to hear right from birth and to be able to see bright lights and big objects with poor focusing.
This is one of life great adventures so, relax and enjoy your child.
Q: How can I help teething baby girl who simply can not be comforted?
A: There's no miracle solution for teething pain, and every baby (and their parents!) has to go through this development process. However, there are things I would suggest to try to make a teething baby more comfortable. If Orajel doesn't work, I would suggest trying Anbesol, another brand that is a local anesthetic. (Many parents swear that these products are wonder drugs!)
You also might try simply rubbing the baby's gums with your finger - it's the rubbing that helps, with or without a commercial teething preparation. Even if your baby does not like using a teething ring, try putting it in the refrigerator and then giving it to him/her. The coldness of the ring is often a relief.
If your baby is suffering from a cough due to teething, raise the head of the crib. Teething does not cause a high fever. It's too easy to blame everything on teething which is why so many people do.
Q: I am determined to get my body back to pre-pregnancy shape. Is a Slimfast diet safe while I'm breastfeeding my three month old?
A: While breastfeeding your infant, I would advise you NOT to go on any rigorous diets. It is important that a breastfeeding mother eat a healthy, well balanced diet, not too restrictive in calories, in order to insure that the baby receives the most nourishing breast milk possible.
However, there is no reason not to go on a sensible diet while breastfeeding. The important point to remember is that whatever diet a new mother chooses to go on, she should ensure that her weight loss should be slow and steady, and that the diet should remain well balanced and should contain all the essential nutrients - minerals, vitamins, etc. By doing so, you can be sure that the baby will not suffer in any way from the breast milk.
Q: I am very concerned about the birthmarks that I have noticed on my newborn baby's body. Should I be?
A: Birth marks are very frequent in babies and are nothing to worry about. However, if a parent has concerns about new brown spots appearing, it might be a good idea to get a medical opinion - especially from a dermatologist, or even better, a pediatric dermatologist. No doctor, without conducting a physical, can tell you for sure that birthmarks are harmless, but the law of averages is certainly in your favor since only on very rare occasions do these birthmarks mean anything serious.
Sleeping Patterns
Do you have a new baby at home? Are the baby's erratic sleep patterns playing havoc with your schedule and your life? Many new parents are confused and befuddled when they try to make some sense of the ups and downs of their children in the crib.
Some new babies really do sleep as many as 18 hours in 24, but their sleep isn't at all like ours and may not be at all what you expected. Adults spend up to 80 per cent of their sleeping time in sound, deep sleep, compared with only about 20 per cent for new babies.
The rest of your baby's sleeping time will be in a light doze, and he'll often dip in and out of that light sleep, so you scarcely have time to drop off yourself before he surfaces again either crying or just fussing.
If you're trying to nurse him to sleep and then leave him in his crib, you may feel that he always wakes up when you put him down. It's just as likely that he was going to wake anyway so don't drive yourself crazy. This just isn't deep sleep time, and the sooner you understand that you're not going to get a two hour break from his company right now the better off you'll be.
As your newborn begins to take larger and larger feedings and starts spacing these feedings out just a bit, you'll begin to see a clear connection between a full tummy and his sleep.
At this point it may be worth your while to make a point of putting him in his crib whenever he sleeps, and getting him up again as soon as he wakes.
The sooner he makes a clear differentiation between sleep and wakefulness, the sooner you'll be able to count on some peace while he does his sleeping.
Breastfeeding Discomfort
It is important to understand that it takes most first-time mothers and their babies around six weeks to settle into nursing, to a point where it's easy for both of them. Those first weeks are bound to be exhausting and emotionally supercharged, but even at the beginning, breastfeeding doesn't have to hurt.
Breasts can become engorged with too much milk and with the extra blood supply that comes with it, and that can indeed be horribly painful. If they're too huge and hard, the baby may not be able to latch on and suck, but if you encourage the baby to suckle often enough in his first couple of weeks, that situation will never arise.
Nipples can get chapped and sore; they can even develop tiny painful cracks, and those cracks can let infection in, but if the baby is properly latched on for feedings, none of that will happen, because it will not be the nipple that he sucks on but the much larger area of the areola.
Make sure your baby faces the breast directly so he doesn't have to turn his head and pull on the nipple. Touch his lower lip, so he opens his mouth widely, then slip your nipple right to the back of his mouth. His suction will hold the breast there out of harm's way, while his jaws squeeze the areola.
If you are experiencing engorgement or sore nipples, seek out your pediatrician or a lactation counselor. The La Leche League is the most notable of the breastfeeding advocacy groups. There are La Leche offices across the country, your pediatrician's office can probably help you get in contact with them.
Are you coping with fatigue from a new baby? Well, cut your expectations of yourself in half. The immaculate home, the gourmet meals, and the beautifully organized schedule that you've prided yourself on aren't as important right now as taking care of your baby and yourself.
Every infant is an active learner. While it may seem that many of the actions your infant engages in during the day are random and spontaneous, the fact of the matter is that virtually every movement and sound has a purpose that contributes to her understanding of the world.
Through clinching, biting, grasping, turning, babbling and bubbling, your infant is experimenting with all the resources at her disposal--using her body and its immediate surroundings to find out how things work internally and externally. Your infant thinks, but thinks with her body.
Provide her with things she can grasp, roll around, push into, hit at, caress, and, in other ways, interact with. Talk and sing to her frequently and respond to her own babbling with appropriate noises of your own. The sound of your voice provides important modeling for future language acquisition.
Hold her frequently and play "pat a cake" and other fun games that help develop her sensory motor awareness. Provide her with a range of new experiences everyday. In this way, you'll be helping her do what she does naturally--actively learn about the nature of the world.
Increasingly over the past decade, some educators have recommended teaching academics to infants. They reason that infancy represents one of the richest times for acquiring knowledge, and that if we can teach infants while they're ripe for new learning, we'll set them on the right track for success in later life.
While this reasoning is generally valid, the method in such approaches often involves flashcards and other equipment more typical of the modern elementary school classroom. Parents should be warned that these methods may actually confuse infants or create stress that can block, not promote, new learning.
Infants learn about the world through their bodies and through interaction with the concrete world. Flashcards and other academic materials have little connection with the real world of infants. If infants seem to respond to these materials, it may be because their behavior is being subtly modified to respond accordingly.
Avoid these artificial attempts to impress friends and relatives with your baby's intelligence and seek instead to expose your infant to developmentally appropriate experiences. These experiences can include singing, talking, hugging and holding, and lots of concrete materials.
When your baby is awake and behaving well in a car restraint, a little positive reinforcement can go a long way toward keeping the peace. Frequent praise and attention can teach a child that travels in a car restraint is a positive experience.
But it's not always possible, so you might want to try these distraction techniques:
1. Turn up the radio; play a tape; sing a loud song. Babies aren't particular about the choice of tunes; they just enjoy the sound of your voice.
2. Rub a baby's tummy gently, and talk in soft, soothing tones.
3. And finally, be sure to have that extra pacifier or a bottle on hand to use as needed.
Helping With Walking and Standing
During the first year of life, a baby goes through a series of stages of physical coordination that won't be repeated. It is fascinating to watch this human development, the urge to be upright, to stand, to walk. It is a strong and exciting human urge that defies almost any attempt to stop it.
One of the hardest things about giving medicine to babies is getting it all down. Don't try putting it in a bottle of juice or formula. You won't know how much the baby has received if all the liquid is not taken.
A dramatic decrease in the incidence of dental cavities and a reduction of family dental bills are both well established results of fluoride administration in infancy and childhood. The Committee on Nutrition of the American Academy recently published their current recommendations about fluoride supplementation. The Committee recommends fluoride supplementation starting at two weeks and continuing until sixteen years of age for infants and children raised in communities in which fluoride has not been added to the water supply. Supplemental fluoride is not required for children who live in areas whose drinking water contains a sufficient concentration of fluoride.
It is suggested that you check the fluoride status of the water supply in your community with your pediatrician or by calling the local Department of Health. If you learn that your water supply contains no fluoride or insufficient fluoride (less than 0.3 parts per million) your baby will require extra fluoride by mouth. This can easily be given in combination with a multivitamin preparation.
The daily dose of fluoride is determined by the level of fluoride of the water supply; this holds true both for breast-fed and formula-fed babies. Our advice is to discuss this with your baby's doctor. He should be able to tell you if extra fluoride is necessary and, if so, the correct dose for your infant.
Don't carry a baby under six months of age on your bike. And never use a front-or backpack as a bike carrier; neither is safe for this purpose. Use a well-made, sturdy carrier that mounts on the back wheel of your bike.
As with other baby and child equipment, it's not always a good idea to try to save money by buying bargain or used carriers, parts may be missing and there will probably not be proper instructions for installation or use.
Rules of the Road
1. Ride on bike paths or lightly-traveled streets. On the road, stay to the right, going with the traffic.
2. Use hand signals to clearly indicate your turns to drivers around you.
3. If several of you are riding together, travel in single file as you pass others on a bike path. And for safety's sake, always ride single file in the street.
Carry a snack, drink (for you both) and an extra diaper and have a wonderful outing!
Commercial Baby Food
It's a fact of every parent's life. We wish we had the time to cook, strain, mash and personally, lovingly prepare our baby's food, but reality doesn't allow for that all the time. What do we do, we hit the supermarket and the seemingly endless aisle called "Baby Food". How do you go about picking and choosing from the vast array that takes up the better part of an entire supermarket aisle?
First of all remember that most doctors today agree that until babies are four or six months of age, they do not need solid foods. Mother's milk or formula provides everything most full-term babies need until then.
Flake cereal is a good first food, because it's a good source of iron. When the time comes to use pureed foods, and you're not making your own, choose from single basic fruits, vegetables and meats.
Avoid sugar, salt, and modified starches in commercial baby food by reading the labels and being selective. Don't worry about creating a traffic jam in the aisle, this is important. Commercial baby foods are often high in water content and low in solid content. The foods appear solid, because tapioca and modified starches are added as thickeners. Avoid paying fruit and vegetable prices for modified starches and water.
You will probably be best advised to avoid purchasing baby desserts, combination dinners, and foods that you can buy better and cheaper in their natural state elsewhere in the grocery store. For example, mash your own bananas instead of buying strained bananas.(and talk about a terrific natural container, its even unbreakable if you drop it!)
A woman wrote to me recently expressing concerns about putting a baby to bed in a crib with a bottle. Her concern is well founded since putting the baby to bed with a bottle of milk, juice will very probably cause tooth decay. If anything other than water is in the nap or bedtime bottle, it does lots of damage. This is because the sugary substances don't get washed away by saliva as they would when the child is awake. Water in the bottle would provide the same comfort to the baby and water won't damage the teeth.
What happens in "baby bottle tooth decay" is not a pretty story, but your son and daughter-in-law need to hear it. In the beginning stages parents don't notice the band of dull white at the gum line which marks the attack of acids on the teeth. The top four teeth are most affected because the tongue covers the bottom teeth when the baby is sucking.
As the decay progresses, the white band turns into a brownish black collar or ring of cavities around each of the baby teeth, near the gum line. I have seen 3 and 4 year olds whose top teeth are just brownish black root stumps which look as if they have been melted away by acid, which of course they have.
By this time there is no way to save the teeth. Extracting them would make the permanent teeth come in stronger and straighter, but this would mean anesthesia and pain that would be traumatic to the child. Parents have no idea that giving the baby a nap or bedtime bottle can cause this tragedy, which could so easily be prevented! Water is the only thing parents should put in the nap or bedtime bottle.
The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends that babies see the dentist by age one for two reasons: to start an early and happy relationship with the dentist, and to check or prevent baby bottle tooth decay. Don't take a chance on losing your child's smile.
Ms. Petersen's nationally syndicated parenting column is carried in over 200 newspapers twice each week. As a family/parenting consultant, early childhood educator, Head Start consultant, and host of a series of parent training audio and video tapes, Ms. Petersen employs an approach of providing hands-on, nuts and bolts advice to parents across the country. Her new book "A Practical Guide to Early Childhood Planning: The What Why and How of Lesson Plans" has just been released.
It's amazing how many "Old Wives' Tales" there are about babies. Many are passed down from generation to generation, but just because Grandma says so doesn't mean it's true. Here are some:
"A fat baby is a healthy baby."
Not true. The fact is that fat babies often turn out to be fat adults.
"Solid foods will help a baby sleep through the night."
There is no proof that this is true. Even if solid foods do help a baby sleep, they shouldn't be started before your doctor tells you to.
"Flashbulbs are dangerous and should not be used."
Not so. Taking flashbulb pictures is perfectly safe.
"Air conditioning is harmful for a baby."
Ridiculous. Most hospital nurseries are now air conditioned.
"Teething causes high fever."
This is just not so. Any temperature above 101 degrees is not due to teething.
"Wearing shoes will help a baby walk sooner."
No. As a matter of fact, just the opposite is true. Keeping your baby barefoot will strengthen his muscles and help him to learn to walk more quickly.
"Getting teeth late means there's something wrong."
Absolutely not true. There's no relationship between the time that teeth come in and physical or mental development.
"It's bad luck to give a baby a haircut before one year of age."
I don't know where that one came from, but it certainly makes no sense at all.
"A baby frightened by strangers, at about four to six months, is insecure and unloved."
Not at all. This fear of strangers is normal at this age.
"If a baby stands too soon, it will cause him to be bow-legged."
No, no, no! If your baby is happy standing, let him do so.
Potty Training On The Go
If you are in the middle of the toilet training process and need to take your kids out on the road where they may need to take their new act into strange and unknown environments, there are some preparations you should consider before setting out on your journey.
Habits that parents don't like aren't necessarily bad ones; most often they're just annoying. If your child is hooked on a pacifier, and it bothers you, there are some things you can try. Remember that you can't break a child's habit, you can only help your child break it.
If none of this works for you, and your child refuses to give it up, have patience. You can still limit the places or times when pacifier use is acceptable. Within a month or so, you can always try again. Sooner or later your child will give it up. I guarantee it.
Let's face it; it's pretty embarrassing when your three-year-old starts masturbating in front of company. But let me assure you that if this is your experience, you are not alone.
Masturbation is quite common in children of all ages, from infancy through adolescence, but most common in children three to six years of age. If your child masturbates, don't worry about it. There's nothing wrong with him. He's not oversexed or abnormal in any way.
If this behavior does disturb you, try to distract him. Be sure that you don't scold or punish him. In his mind he's not doing anything terrible, he's just having fun. Remember, the only real harm from masturbating is the guilt feeling you may instill in your child by your negative reaction. Your reaction even at this early age can be potentially having long lasting effects during the maturation of your child.
If you find that he is masturbating excessively, in other words, if it interferes with his other normal activities, discuss it with his doctor. Remember that it's normal and common; it's not harmful and be assured that it will stop by itself.
Most babies begin eating table foods at around 1 year of age. However, it is important that they eat the right table foods. Remember that it is less important that your child eats all the right things than that he doesn't eat too much of the wrong things. A varied diet offering foods from each of the basic 4 food groups is the best assurance of optimal nutrition.
Grains: Offer breads that are whole-grain or enriched such as whole wheat, rye, pumpernickel. Use barley, buckwheat (kasha), corn meal, oatmeal, pasta, rice, and wheat. Unsweetened dry breakfast cereals may be included but not to the exclusion of whole-grain or infant cereals.
Proteins: Encourage poultry, veal, fish (remove the bones),and legumes such as chick peas, lentils, and dry beans. Limit red meats (pork, beef, lamb) trimmed of fat, to no more than three servings per week. Peanut butter is a good protein food and may be offered occasionally instead of meat. Restrict the number of eggs to 3-4 per week.
Fruits and Vegetables: Offer a citrus fruit (orange, grapefruit, tangerine) or a glass of citrus juice daily. Avoid juice or fruit drinks with added sugar. Offer fruits often at snack time and as a dessert. Include at least one serving per day of a bright yellow- or orange-colored vegetable (tomato, sweet potato, carrot, yellow squash, beets, etc.) and at least one of a leafy green vegetable (spinach, escarole, broccoli, cabbage, etc.) Fresh vegetables are best and may be offered raw, or cooked but still crunchy. Potatoes should be served boiled, mashed, or baked not fried. Add low-fat milk and diet margarine or cottage cheese for added flavor.
Milk and milk products: Limit milk to two to three glasses per day. Use only low-fat or skim milk. Offer yogurt and low-fat cheese as snacks.
Your pediatrician should be able to tell you when your child is old enough to eat only table foods.
Most toddlers are full of energy and have an overwhelmingly intense desire to move around and explore their environment. It is your job to provide your toddler with a variety of interesting opportunities for exercising, remembering to always keep safety in mind.
Elaborate equipment isn't necessary, just arrange for the space and opportunity and your youngster will do the rest.
It's remarkable how many parents figure that fitness for children of this age will take care of itself. That is simply not the case, but toddler-hood is the time when bad habits are learned.
Too much television watching should be discouraged. A toddler who is allowed to sit around quietly most of each day in front of a TV set is more likely to become the sedentary school-ager and then the flabby, out-of-shape teenager and adult. It is a disgrace to see so many little children becoming "couch potatoes" so early on in life.
To help your toddler develop strength, coordination and agility I would recommend the following:
1. Push and pull toys. Cars and trucks often with sound effects built in make them great fun and help your toddler move around and exercise all his muscles in his make-believe world.
2. Balls of various sizes to be thrown, caught and also fetched. This will develop hand/eye coordination and agility.
3. Crawling games. These are excellent for large muscle development. For example, cut out the sides of a large cardboard box such as the one a TV set comes in and - presto! - he has both an indoor and outdoor playhouse.
4. Roughhouse activities. All you need is a blanket or pad on the floor. Believe me, you will tire before your toddler.
5. A tricycle. Fine for two to three year olds for developing leg muscles and coordination.
If your toddler has a tendency to be placid and sedentary it is your job to encourage physical activities.
Every toddler is an active learner. With his new found ability to walk around, he's in a whole new relationship with the world and can explore new territory like an old world adventurer. Through his falls, his bumps, as well as his triumphs and discoveries, he's learning about how the world works and also about how his own emerging self can help it work even better.
Provide him with lots of concrete learning materials, things he can pick up, roll, punch, stack, squeeze, bounce, pound, push, pull and in other ways, interact with. They don't need to be brightly colored fancy educational toys. Some of the simplest household items will delight a toddler; for him, the whole world is brand new.
While much of his behavior may seem haphazard to you, there's actually a lot of intelligence going on in even the simplest of acts. When your toddler picks up an object, he's forming new associations to it and creating his first ideas about how the object relates to previous things he's picked up. These new discoveries become part of his inquiring mind and fuel his drive toward mastery and accomplishment.
Books, and talking about the books, are terribly important for your child. In our world there is an enormous premium on being verbal. Quite literally, words are power, and it's kids who grow up in verbal families who become verbal themselves. I'd like to say it's good for the child if the family argues. I mean argues verbally, discuss issues and debates. That gives your child practice in using words, shaping sentences and organizing his thoughts.
Books can foster discussion. At first, ask simple questions, get your child to talk. Ask "What happened next?", "Where is the mouse hiding?", "Why is Papa Bear angry?". Later, try to illicit discussion. "What do you think will make Eyore happy?"
Books lend themselves to such discussion much more than the solitary pleasures of T.V. That's why the combination of a book and your participation is so important in making your child an active reader who's learning to use words and learning to think.
One way to stimulate your child's interest in books and reading is to show him or her how stories are created by making up and telling your own stories. Your story can be as long or short as you wish. You can spin a yarn especially tailored to your child in the time it takes to run the bath water, or you can make it last as long as it takes for a bath and a shampoo.
Your story can be about any toy on your child's shelf, your family pet, the reason the sun shines or any other topic in the world, and all the members of your family and all your children's friends can be characters. Here are a few guidelines:
1. Keep it lively. Make something happen right away at the beginning and keep things moving.
2. Give your main character a goal, whether it's saving the dog from a cruel thief or trying to make the sun shine.
3. Don't be afraid to use some words children aren't familiar with.
4. Above all, give your story a happy ending. The younger the child, the more important it is that order and fairness prevail and that the good guys come out ahead.
5. One more thing - start your story with "Once upon a time". That will get your child in the mood and probably will get your own creative juices flowing.
Question:
Dear Evelyn,
Our six year old has several learning disabilities, and she is in special education classes. We are worried about what will happen down the road when she is 18 or 20. What can we do now, in the school years, to give her the life skills she will need in the future?
Thank you.
Answer:
Do all the things other good parents do to prepare their children for life. What special needs children want most is to be treated like other children.
All children have special needs and special gifts. Our job is to help each of them make the most of what they have and be all that they can be. To do this we must teach them positive attitudes and nurture self esteem that is based on feeling both lovable (for what I am) and capable (for what I can do).
Most parents of special needs children find that letting them take the normal risks that other kids take is very hard. Overprotecting them makes them feel different and dependent; it does them no favors; it does not make them feel capable or competent. Your support is important, but ALL children need to learn that sometimes we make mistakes, sometimes we fail at a task, and sometimes friends are untrue or unkind. We learn to cope with lifes adversities by experiencing them, getting through them, and gaining inner strength in the process. Likewise, avoid making excuses or exceptions for your child's behavior. Use the same firm but loving guidelines and clear expectations that you would for any child, and follow through consistently. Teach her, just like any other child, to accept responsibility for her actions. ALWAYS give descriptive praise for good behaviors and thoughtful choices.
Special needs children do best when they have consistent family routines, orderly and organized personal space, and the opportunity for active play and creative endeavors. Insist on the least restrictive environment for your child; attend regular meetings to plan long and short range education and life skill goals; keep complete copies of her records and files.
The first sudden attack of croup in the middle of the night can be very frightening. Learning something about croup will help you.
Croup is not one specific disease. It's a group of diseases that all have in common a barking cough and trouble breathing air in. Most cases are mild and respond quickly to treatment.
If your child suddenly wakes up during the night having trouble breathing and sounding like a dog or seal barking, he has croup. Don't panic. Call your doctor immediately for his advice.
To make your child feel better and to ease the sore throat that accompanies croup take your child into the bathroom and turn on the hot water in the sink and bath. Steam is the best treatment for so-called "midnight croup" and in a few minutes your child's breathing will usually improve.
There are other more serious forms of croup, some requiring hospitalization because of severe difficulty in breathing. Your doctor must be called whenever you suspect that your child has croup, especially if he is not relieved after a few minutes in the steam filled bathroom. When it comes to croup, never take a chance - it can be a treacherous disease.
Fluoride, when added to community water supplies, is the most effective public health measure for preventing tooth decay, according to the American Dental Association. Fluoridation of water is safe, only costs the community about 50 cents a person a year, helps persons of all ages and prevents cavities. Fluoride in toothpaste's and rinses helps, too.
Not all communities have fluoridated water, and the ADA recommends that brushing, flossing and check-ups are still a must. In addition, cavities can be prevented with the pit and fissure sealants that are now available. This is especially pertinent to you, the parent of a school-age child.
While fluoride is helpful in preventing most cavities, it is not terrific at preventing decay in the tiny pits and fissures on the surfaces of the back molars. Sealants place a permanent, durable coating on the surfaces so that all the pits and fissures are closed off to bacteria. This is a simple and painless process of painting the prepared tooth surface with the sealant, a type of plastic.
The best time to seal the teeth of your school-age child is now, or as soon as all 16 permanent molars have come in. Some parents may think it is better to wait until there is a cavity and put in a metal filling, but these fillings only last about seven years; the sealants should last a lifetime. Dentists say that it is still worthwhile to seal the teeth of teenagers who may have already had cavities or fillings, because the snack habits of teens and college students can create new cavities. Since you will probably apply sealants now with your child, you won't have those problems in his teen years, according to the American Dental Association.
One of the hardest things about giving medicine to small children is getting it all down. Don't try putting it into a bottle or a glass of juice. You won't know how much a child has taken if all the liquid is not drunk.
The "Terrible Two's" in fact usually start earlier far than that. Most doctors and experienced parents will tell you that around eighteen months of age, stubbornness, and selfishness and temper tantrums become the normal order of the day.
How can you teach your child right from wrong? How can you discipline him? How can you turn this infamous age period into a more enjoyable time for both of you?
To spank or not to spank - that's a question that plagues many parents today. Those who don't spank have a valid point. Hitting teaches hitting, and they don't want their kids to grow up thinking problems can be solved by using physical violence.
"Those of us who don't believe in spanking," said one parent I met recently, "spank less than those of us who do." I guess that describes me too. I do believe spanking can be appropriate for toddlers in dangerous situations, when you need to get their attention and make your point fast.
Some parents also spank for willful disobedience, or when a child is inflicting injury on another. The main thing, I think, is to be wary of when spanking is a vent for your own anger or impatience. Discipline of any sort should be a learning situation, not a vindictive one. If you think it's acceptable, you have another decision to make - should you use your hand or another implement? The hand, some say, is the only tool. It's quick and it's personal. Others say never use the hand; use something more neutral, such as a paddle or a wooden spoon.
Which approach is right? Well, I can't answer that, but I do know that this is one issue that parents have strong personal feelings about, one way or the other.
Allowing Children To Make Their Own Choices
Allowing children to make choices is a very effective way to get children to cooperate.
Well, how about it? Do you want to try this technique or the most traditional one of threats? Which do you choose?
Here are some suggestions that will help control your toddler's destructive tendencies and temper tantrums.
1. Distraction. Try to redirect your child to another activity, like playing some music or turning on the T.V.
2. Separation. Remove him from the place where he is causing trouble. If he is in the park and bites his friend, take him home. It doesn't work to scream and yell, just do it quietly.
3. Explanation. Explain why you are acting a certain way. Setting rules and regulations and not explaining them is unfair.
4. Compromise. Yes, sometimes give in. Allow him to make some decisions. By letting him win some small arguments, you'll have a better chance to win the big ones.
5. Punishment. Yes, there is a place for punishment, such as taking away privileges. Spanking should be reserved for special occasions like running out into traffic. I don't believe a child should ever be physically abused. A smack across the backside is more than enough for him to get the message.
If you keep these five rules at the ready you can reasonably expect to escape toddler-hood in one piece.
If after looking at all the toys available for either birthday's or holidays is becoming mind numbing then here are some tips to get you through.
Happy shopping!
It is amazing just how many household products can be poisonous to your toddler; they include aspirin, lye, drain cleaners, cosmetics, moth balls, bleaches, and many more. Toddlers of course are curious souls who put everything they grab directly into their mouths and it's no wonder poisoning is common. Here are some important safety rules to follow:
1. Never call any medicine "candy."
2. Buy medicine and household products in child resistant packages, and always keep dangerous products out of your child's sight and reach. Toddlers are excellent climbers.
3. Never leave alcoholic beverages around.
4. Always keep products in their original containers.
5. Keep a one ounce bottle of syrup of ipecac, which causes vomiting, in your medicine cabinet. If your child accidentally swallows a poisonous substance, or takes an overdose of some medicine, call your doctor immediately and found out if you should use it.
Since most of us don't have eyes in the back of our heads, the name of the game in terms of poisoning is prevention.
Accidental poisoning is unfortunately very common in young children. The most common causes in children six and under in their order are:
1. Drugs (which includes aspirins, be it from a medicine chest or someone's purse),
2. Plants,
3. Personal care products (such as shampoos), and
4. Household cleaners (such as dishwasher detergent).
Keep in mind that just because something tastes bad doesn't deter children. Three things that all parents should do to prepare themselves for such a situation are:
1. Teach your children to say, "ahh", so that you can look into the mouth in case there is something that you can remove with your fingers;
2. Keep a bottle of syrup of ipecac in your medicine chest. This is an inexpensive liquid that can be purchased at your drug store. It's used to induce vomiting, but it should only be used on the recommendation of your poison control center; and
3. Have posted, near all your phones, the number of your nearest poison control center. It's in your phone directory or you can get it by calling information.
Most childhood accidental poisonings can be prevented, but only through the efforts of safety proofing and your vigilance.
Birthday parties for children can be a wonderful experience if you take the right steps to insure that your child's guests and their parents have a safe and happy time.
One of the first steps is to consider the age of your invitees. If you are throwing a party for infants or young toddlers then you will obviously have their parents in attendance too, serve these parents only finger foods, if you serve them refreshments at all, because you don't want to distract them from their most important function: watching their children! By age 3, parties work better without other parents around.
If you plan an indoor party for your small child, limit it to one room only, and childproof that room as carefully as you possibly can. Leave nothing to chance; what one bright child doesn't think of, you can be sure, another one will.
Here is a checklist that you should go through well before the big event:
1. Remove from the room any portable electrical appliances and everything breakable or sharp.
2. Block off any exits to the party room with shut doors or gates. Keep a path open to the bathroom and/or a diaper changing area, but be sure other rooms along the way are not accessible to the children.
3. If you try a game like "pin the tail on the donkey," be sure to attach tape, not tacks, to tails.
4. Skip pinatas for a few years. Toddlers and waving, swinging sticks just don't mix. Settle instead for a hunt for soft favors, but be sure everyone "finds" one.
5. For the safety of both guests and your pet, banish the dog or cat from the party.
6. Don't serve small candies, peanuts, popcorn, or even raisins. Children can pick them off the table and choke on them while running around, or even when seated, given the excitement of a party.
7. If your party is going to be outdoors, be sure you have enough adults to adequately supervise the children. No fewer than one adult per child is suggested if play in any kind of pool is planned.
8. If your party site is far from home, plan to have parents deliver their own children, unless you have enough car seats for all.
Armed with these simple guidelines you should be well on your way to a fun and safe party for your children.
Here are some general guidelines concerning conflicts with grandparents that should be helpful.
When children who are 2 to 5 do not see their grandparents often, they often hang back, withhold hugs and kisses, and treat grandparents as strangers, causing hurt feelings and conflicts. Giving presents immediately on arrival is not a good way for grandparents to resolve this problem; it takes the focus away from family relationships and places it on gifts. It is best to warn grandparents ahead of time that this behavior is common, and ask them to be patient, waiting for children to make the first moves. Better yet, help children know that absent grandparents are "family" throughout the year with calls, letters, tapes, and photos.
Many conflicts with grandparents during the early and school years involve decisions about the who and when of visits. this gets especially complicated when a divorce adds custody/visitation rules, or when a second marriage adds more family members to be visited during holidays. It is usually impossible celebrate with every grandparent on the actual holiday, and is also difficult to divide everyone with "equal time". Grandparents need to come to terms with these realities, be flexible, understand that the child's parents have the ultimate responsibility for these decisions, and make the best of it. An ongoing positive relationship, not a particular holiday, is what really counts.
As children grow to be teens, conflicts arise between parents and grandparents about money, attire, dating, curfews, etc. Grandparents are sometimes accused of interfering. Actually, all they really need is to feel that they still have some role to play...that they still feel they are part of the family structure. Parents need to listen and appreciate the advice and support of grandparents, but gently remind their elders that they, as parents, are legally and morally responsible for guidance and final decisions regarding their children.
All conflicts with grandparents are lessened when they feel appreciated and when they see that, even though your values and theirs are different, you do try to pass on to the children some of the values and attitudes they taught you. Focus on things your children and the grandparents have in common, not on how they differ. Point out continuing family traditions and interests. Help them see how important it is for them be listeners to teens who might rather talk to them than to you, the parents. Show ways they are needed.
During the holidays, reduce stress by giving up expectations that everything will be perfect. The food, the house, logistics and gifts are not as important as your relationships and being together, no matter what the circumstances.
Every pre-schooler is an active learner. Your pre-schooler has a lot to be excited about with fantasy playing, nonstop monologues, social interactions, physical activity, and creative concerns taking up a large part of every day.
Make sure that she has the opportunity to really enjoy this precious time in her life by not forcing her too soon into academic work that's more appropriate to the elementary school years, and by providing her with resources that allow her experiences of competence and mastery. Suggestions include old clothes for dress up play, building materials, art supplies, a tape recorder, musical instruments, outdoor equipment, and a creative space for fantasy play (such as a playhouse).
Preschoolers need lots of time to explore their ideas about the world, so take care not to overly structure their days. Expose them to wonderful children's literature. Tell them stories. Sing to them, and share your enthusiasm and creativity in all things great and small. Answer their probing questions, and, above all, let them share their thoughts, products, and vitality with you without judgment and criticism.
While childhood exists as a specific stage in the human life cycle, it also represents a psychological state in adulthood, sometimes called "the inner child". This state of being consists of the children that we once were, still existing at some deep level of our psyches.
The inner child in the adult contains much of our creativity, spontaneity, and joy, as well as many of our deepest fears, angers and hurts. As we get more involved in the complexities of adulthood, it becomes more important for us to connect with our inner child, to help us achieve balance in our lives. Here are a few ways you can do this:
By providing nourishment to your own inner child, you're helping to nurture your real life child as well.
All young children are creative people. Nature seems to have endowed them with the ability to transform even the most commonplace circumstance into a novel event, full of joy and discovery.
Language is an important part of your pre-schooler's life. Without language, she'd be unable to communicate her needs, wants and desires to the outside world. Language development itself represents an important pre-requisite to other skills important to later academic success, such as reading.
Here are some suggestions for stimulating your pre-schooler's language development, so that she can maximize her ability to communicate effectively.
Language is central to your child's development. Don't take it for granted, but nurture it along gently. You'll be glad you did!!
Here are some ideas for reading activities with your pre-schooler:
Learning to use the library is a true lifetime skill. Do start early. Get your child his or her own library card to be responsible for; it's a very adult thing to do.
There are a few simple things you can do to make that first day of school easier for your child who's entering kindergarten or first grade. They're not hard to do, and they don't take much time, and they'll make your child's transition to the world of school much easier.
Your next challenge Mom and Dad, is to prepare yourself for your child's entrance into school. The transition is often easier for the kids than it is for the parents.
Young children learn best when they can experience new things with all of their senses. Pre-schoolers need to see, hear, feel, touch, smell, and sometimes even taste a learning material in order to really understand it fully. Here are some suggestions for building multi-sensory experiences into your child's play at home in a way that will prepare her for the academic world:
In each of these ways, you'll be helping to prepare your child for the world of academics that's just around the corner.
Dear Lynette,
Looking for some ideas for things to do at home that will help your pre-schooler improve his or her thinking skills? I dont mean "ABC" or flash card things, but real activities that make them figure things out and solve the problems.
Hundreds of opportunities exist in your home for teaching these kinds of thinking skills. You will find teachable moments in every room inside, and outdoors as well. Remember that children enjoy and learn from SIMPLE things that we adults take for granted.
For example, when children help you sort and put away the groceries, they are practicing the skill of sorting or grouping. Some things go in the freezer or the refrigerator; talk about why. Some groceries will go in certain cupboards. Others go to different places in the house. Talk about how these things are alike or different.
When children practice and think about this kind of grouping they are beginning to use the math and science skills of categorizing and classifying. Sorting, matching and grouping socks, towels, buttons, earrings, shoes, bottle caps, keys, spoons and forks all help children practice mathematical thinking and problem solving.
When you let children help you prepare foods or recipes, many more skills are practiced. They will estimate, measure, and count. Ask them to observe and tell, compare and describe. Help them talk about the smells, colors and shapes of foods. They will wonder what will happen when something is cooked; theyll see the changes, and learn about cause and effect. They can even play store with kitchen cans and boxes to learn more about counting and money, even if you use paper dollars and pennies.
You can teach thinking skills at home in the kitchen, or with math and money games, or simple experiments, with creative "inventions," with recycled materials, and with "what if..." games. All you need is a little imagination and a desire to help your child learn.
Teaching Children an Appreciation of Reading
Kids who watch videos, no matter how interesting, are more likely to turn into couch potatoes than good readers. Reading is what grows active readers; television grows spectators.
Most children's videos are an excuse for parents to avoid the opportunity of talking, listening and reading to their children. Seating children in front of a picture tube that tells "Goldilocks and the Three Bears" is a very poor substitute for hearing that story (told with expression and voice changes) by a parent, especially while sitting in the parent's lap. Here are my tips for growing children who enjoy reading.
If Your Child Threatens to Run Away
There are two schools of thought about handling the child who threatens to run away from home. "Okay, I'll help you pack your things" is one approach, and "Oh no, I love you too much to let you go" is the other.
Now both have worked for many children, and one might be right for yours. The first one can damage fragile self-esteem, and the second may sound insincere and only strengthen determination. There are some intermediate approaches.
If your child is four or older, then he or she should be able to spend some time in a preschool environment with other kids with no real problems. Assuming that the school is an enjoyable place with block play, sharing times, art experiences, and so forth. If it's more highly structured, with academic expectations, this could be at the root of the problem, and your child may need a school environment more closely tailored to their individual developmental needs. However, even then, some kids have more trouble making the transition from home to preschool environments, and for these kids, some sensitivity is called for.
First, consider scaling back the involvement in preschool. If a full day now, then a half day; if a half-day now, then a quarter of a day.
Second, help make the transition by spending some time with your child at the school to start with (perhaps you could volunteer a half hour at the start of each day). Then gradually phase out your involvement as they become more comfortable. Or, get to school early, and spend some time with your child in the classroom environment, helping them to feel comfortable in it. If they get upset, let them know you'll be outside the school when class begins, and if they need to talk with you, let them know that you'll be available. Gradually phase this out as they become more comfortable.
If your child continues the same level of crying, or even becomes more upset, then consider postponing for a year or so the involvement in school. This reaction may be telling you that this child is simply not ready for school.
Discipline With Love
How can a parent correct or discipline without making a child belittled, as if he or she is a bad or worthless person? The answer is "very carefully." The important message is to first remember that you're trying to teach your child, not get back at him or her for misbehaving. Your choice of words can sometimes make all the difference. Do you start sentences with "I" or with "you"?
Basically, I think talking to your child as you would talk to an adult solves a lot of problems. It comes down to showing respect for your child and concern for his or her feelings. You love the child; it's a particular action you don't like. Be sure your child understands that very clearly.
One important key to helping your child succeed in school is to become a "strength detective" at home!
Make a list of all the wonderful things about your child. Include information about special talents your child may possess, such as musical or artistic abilities, positive qualities your child demonstrates, including attributes such as creativity, courage and curiosity. And don't forget to list things that your child is really interested in, like sports, reading or science.
Then spend some time with your child -- going over the list, and talking about "positives" in his or her life. Make sure to ask him/her what he likes best about himself or herself. Encourage your child to keep a scrapbook of photos, artwork, school papers and other items having to do with accomplishments and abilities in his life.
You may be surprised to see what a difference these things make in your child's general attitude. Research suggests that when children feel better about themselves at home, their ability to succeed in school improves at the same time.
Your child may have been labeled "learning disabled" but he may not actually be a disabled learner. Many, if not most, of the two million children who are labeled "LD" learn perfectly well, if they are given instructional approaches tailored to their own unique ways of learning.
If your child has been tested and labeled at school, then find out what kinds of teaching methods he's been given in his regular classroom. Many so-called "LD kids" fail with textbooks, worksheets and lectures, but can succeed in a classroom that includes active learning methods, such as plays, artwork, physical movement and hands-on projects that involve learning through experience.
Many learning frustrated kids bloom when they have their own gifts and talents recognized and used to help them learn what is difficult for them.
Encourage your child's regular classroom teacher to provide these kinds of motivating activities before considering special education classes. In this way, you'll help your child stay within the mainstream -- and avoid the stigma of the "learning disability" label.
Many parents complain that their children simply aren't motivated to learn. I don't believe this. I feel every child is motivated to learn; we just have to find the key to that motivation.
One of the best ways to discover that key is to simply observe your children when they're having fun. What kinds of things do they like to do? These are the things that motivate them. The trick is taking the excitement and vitality you see when they're having a good time and transplanting it into academic learning. It may not be as difficult as you think.
Say, for example, your child loves doing wheelies on his bike all day. You can take his love of bicycles and help him learn to read by providing him with books about bikes, or you can awaken an interest in mathematics by taking him to the bike store the next time he needs a part and looking at the importance of metric measurements in a bike's instructions.
You can take anything your child loves to do and show him how academic skills can help him learn more about it. Make sure not to impose you ideas on your child or he'll resist. Instead, allow yourself to be led by your child's own interests.
There is no way we can protect our children from the many disappointments they will encounter in life. We can show our love and help them most when we teach them that they can SURVIVE disappointments.
We need to encourage children to take considered and age appropriate risks, and we must also allow them to experience failure. Only then will they discover their own strengths and know that they can survive and go on.
It's like learning to ski. Since falling is inevitable, the first thing you learn is how to fall down and pick yourself up. You know ahead of time that when you do fall, you can handle it.
Kids need to fall sometimes too, so that they learn how to pick themselves up. We need to let them choose friendships that may not last, or try out for the team, or try for cheerleader, or try for a part in a play...even if we think their chances are slim to nothing.
Yes, it is our job to remind them they might not succeed, but we might also say, "How will you know for sure unless you try," or "Even if you do not make it, it will be a really good experience to try for it." (Think about how valuable this life skill experience will be later, when they go job hunting.)
If or when they do fail, acknowledge their disappointment; do not gloss over their feelings. Saying, "But you're so good at such and such," or "I love you anyway" will NOT help. It will not give them confidence or strength because this sort of "comforting" does not allow them to fully experience their pain. They need to find out they can get through that pain, that disappointment, and go on!
Kids need to understand that failures and disappointments are TEMPORARY. Don't protect them from failure; let them learn from it. Ask your daughter if she realizes that there is a possibility that she might not make it. If she still wants to try out, encourage her and be there for her no matter what the outcome.
Finding a good school for your child may seem like an impossible task, but by thinking in terms of several options it's possible to get a quality education for your child almost anywhere in the country.
Here are five options to consider:
Tests, unfortunately, are becoming more and more common in our schools, creating test anxiety and learning blocks in our kids that get in the way of school success. However, you can help your child cope with the negative effects of testing by providing them with the necessary skills for coping with these stresses. Here are some ideas:
Following these guidelines will certainly add extra points on to your child's final score.
My granddaughter is 6. She is a bright, cute girl who doesn't want for anything, and she has two older brothers (10 and 13) who idolize her. Her mother and I are concerned because she flies into a tizzy or tantrum when things don't go her way. We dont know if this is normal; do you have some advice?
The age of tantrums, when children test adults to find out who they are as separate individuals and learn about limits, is two to three. At six, tantrums are inappropriate. By now she should be able to ask for and discuss what she wants. She should be able to listen to and understand the reasons when a parent says "no" and explains why.
Pouting about parent "no's" is common for six year olds, but not tantrums. She would not keep having tantrums unless she is getting something out of it; she is getting her own way. You need to get together as a family (including the big brothers) and talk about why this behavior, which may be becoming a habit, is NOT in her best long range interest. To get her to change her behavior, you all need to change yours.
Develop a strategy and stick to it. Tell her the tantrum will not make any difference, and ignore it. Have her go have her tizzy where you wont hear it. Keep ignoring instead of rewarding and she will stop. Praise her for having fewer and fewer of these scenes, and they will disappear. Self discipline is a necessary life skill that all children must learn. Your granddaughter needs to learn more about how to control her own behavior instead of controlling others. Here are 7 tips to keep in mind.
1. Make rules and set limits; make expectations clear and simple.
2. Say no when you should, and explain why.
3. Expect the best from children, and PRAISE them for giving it.
4. Contract with children for behavior you want; dont bribe.
5. Plan ahead to PREVENT problems.
6. Teach children logical consequences for poor choices and behavior.
7. Use positive alternatives instead of spanking.
Each of us is "shy" in some instances and "outgoing" in others; this is normal. If you EXPECT your child to be "shy" (or "withdrawn") you will be reinforcing this behavior and making it happen more often. Focus on and praise your child's strengths.
Self esteem is a powerful force which will impact your child's success and happiness throughout his or her life. More than any other factor, self esteem or self image influences our attitudes about what we can or cannot do, how we cope with problems, and how we get along with others.
Self esteem is a blend of the way we feel about and "see" ourselves, as well as the way we believe others see us. A strong self image helps a child feel BOTH lovable and capable. A child's self esteem is strongest when parents nurture BOTH love and capability.
Feeling lovable means that the child feels loved and worthwhile just because he or she exists in this world, not because of something he or she can do. You help a child feel lovable by praising things that are intrinsic or unique to your child's personality, like his sense of humor, friendliness, persistence, or creativity.
Feeling capable means that the child feels strong and competent, and proud of his or her ability to do or achieve things. Feeling capable has to do with life skills...things like being able to wash and dress oneself, help with household chores, get ready for bed independently, and know the names of colors. Here are a few points to remember:
Q. I am often at odds with my eight year old son because he's an introvert and I am an extrovert. I have to admit that I nag him to be more sociable and talkative. Maybe I am putting too much pressure on him, but it seems to me he needs to be more outgoing if he is ever going to be successful.
A. Nagging him to be something other than he is will not change him. It is more likely to diminish family communication and damage your relationship with him. Surely this is not what you want. In addition, he might develop stress related symptoms which can lead to health problems and result in poor school work.
Researchers have found that childhood stress is escalating, and doctors report increases in depression among school children. Stress increases cholesterol levels, susceptibility to infection, and likelihood of accidents in both children and adults.
Some of the symptoms of childhood stress are tics, sleeping problems, teeth grinding, bed wetting, headaches, and increased sensitivity to allergies, dizziness, and self abusive behavior. If you see a combination of these symptoms in your son, get professional help.
To gain a better understanding of your son's needs, consider writing to "Working Mother" magazine for a reprint of their February 1992 article "Introvert or Extrovert: Understanding the Keys to Your Child's Personality," by Mary Kurcinka. The author describes children who demonstrate either introvert or extrovert behavior and explains the special needs of these children within the family.
In our society, extroverts outnumber introverts three to one, so introverts are often under pressure to be different. Don't do this to your son! Accept and understand him for the unique person he is.
Be a responsible parent. Think about what he may need in order to grow as an individual. He may need private, quiet time to recharge after being drained when he interacts with others. He may need his own work space and time for reflection in order to be comfortable and productive.
Be realistic. Remember that all of us exhibit BOTH introvert and extrovert behaviors at different times, depending on the situation. Children who often exhibit introvert behavior are not "weak". They are usually strong willed and very persistent individuals who carefully figure things out before "jumping in." And guess what...they often become very successful adults!
We live in a consumer society. One responsibility we have is to teach our children how to use money. It is often necessary to let them learn from their own mistakes, which means we must often bite our tongues:
Question: Our family money is very tight. We have had to cut back on many things, and are worried that we may need to sell some belongings that have been in the family many years. We have not said anything about this to our school age children, because we don't want them to worry. Maybe this is a mistake. Do you think we should discuss our situation with them?
Answer: Children are like emotional sponges. They will pick up on your tension and anxiety, even if you say nothing. In many cases this can cause more stress than would the truth, because they may imagine far bigger problems than you have, or may think they are the cause of the tension.
Many parents feel uncomfortable talking with their children about money problems. They think there is no point in it because the children won't understand, cannot help, or that the kids will tell the neighbors. But your neighbors are probably in the same straits as you are, children can help in some ways, and they can understand more than you may think. So, talk about it.
You don't need to get out a balance sheet or bank statement to say that you don't have as much money as you used to have. You can show the children the ways you are coping by buying groceries differently, buying good used clothes instead of brand new ones, eating more fish and pasta instead of meat, driving less, etc. Let them learn about ways to save money in hard times. Teach them to help cook nutritious and inexpensive soups and stews. Teach recycling. They need these skills.
Be sure they feel free to ask questions so that you can relieve some fears that they may have. For example, they may say, "Will we have to sell our house and move away? Does this mean we will not have Christmas?" Involve them in brainstorming ways to save money. They may come up with many creative ideas that will surprise you.
Sharing these problems openly and working on them together as a family will help your children learn that the things that make us happiest are our relationships, not our money.
Talking about Sexuality: A Parent's Responsibility
Question: My daughters are 11 and 12, and I am worried because they never have talked with me about sexual activity or asked me questions, even though we have always talked freely about other things. Maybe I should bring it up.
Answer: I believe it is our responsibility as parents to inform and educate our children about many things, including sexuality. As your girls become teens, they may continue to talk freely to you, but it also would be normal for them to balk when it comes to talking about certain topics, such as sex. Don't wait for them to ask you; they never may bring it up. Talk to them about sexuality now. They will get better information from you than from peers.
It often is hard for parents to start conversations about sexuality. Sometimes it's easier when you share an article in a newspaper or magazine and ask them what they think about it. Other ways are to talk about something you've seen together on television, or to talk about the lyrics in a song. It's best to ask what they think about the issue first. If you can listen without overreacting or judging, they will listen when it is your turn to talk. You'll have plenty of time to state your own opinions calmly and give your girls clear information on your values.
It's a good idea to gather some pamphlets, booklets or books on sexuality, health and birth control, because your talks probably will lead to a quest for more information. What you gather will depend on your values. School and public libraries, bookstores, churches, health agencies and your doctor all will be able to suggest publications.
Here's a tip. If your first conversations do not go well, maybe it's because of your discomfort. If you are uncomfortable, your daughters will be, too. The best way to deal with this is to be honest about your feelings. Tell your kids this is new to you and ask them to understand and help you out.
More and more children 12 and younger are trying drugs and alcohol. Parents and schools need to start teaching substance abuse prevention before children are adolescents. One bonus in this approach is that children in the early grades have a high interest in health and in the ways their bodies work. They are far more ready to learn about prevention and personal safety than they will be as teens. Schools are beginning to recognize this, and abuse prevention programs are becoming common.
One such program in Michigan is called STAND, Students Taking A New Direction. It is based on the fact that peer pressure can be used to prevent drug and alcohol abuse, just as it can encourage it. In STAND groups, students work with a parent-teacher team on leadership skills, assertiveness, refusal skills, communication skills, environmental projects, and substance abuse awareness campaigns and activities.
You can talk with your 5- and 6-year-olds about right and wrong, or things that are safe and dangerous. You can build self-esteem and confidence that will help them say no later. You can teach them about rules and responsibilities. You can develop good family communication and encourage them to talk with you about their ideas, fears, and feelings. You can show your love. You can be a good model. Doing these things now with your children will help form the kind of patterns and strong relationships that will help prevent problems later.
If your child already has made the choice to use drugs or drink, you and he need help from a professional counselor or a drug and alcohol intervention service. If he has not yet made such a choice, you need to do the best you can to prevent unwise choices about drugs and alcohol. You cannot follow him everywhere, monitoring his every move. You have better alternatives for keeping him safe and teaching him to make choices in his best interest.
Research tells us that kids who have good communication with their parents have a better chance of avoiding substance abuse. Families with good communication talk honestly and openly about their feelings and about such problems as peer pressure, teen pregnancy and drugs. Teens who do not use or abuse drugs usually feel that their parents love them and trust them. They have had a say in family rules and have been allowed to make choices appropriate to their ages and abilities.
If you constantly nag or make unfounded accusations, your son may feel that you neither love nor trust him. He needs to hear you say that you worry because you love him, not because you don't trust him. Expect his best, not his worst.
You also should obtain clear, factual information about drugs and alcohol. Written information is widely available through schools, churches, libraries and the PTA. Read articles or pamphlets together and discuss them as a family, if possible. Share your concerns and values, but let your teen know you believe he can make healthy choices in his own best interest.
Even youngsters are ready to learn to avoid drug use, as young as those in elementary school. More and more children 12 and younger are trying drugs and alcohol.
Parents and schools need to start teaching substance abuse prevention before children are adolescents. One bonus in this approach is that children in the early grades have a high interest in health and in the ways their bodies work. They are far more ready to learn about prevention and personal safety than they will be as teens. Schools are beginning to recognize this, and abuse prevention programs are becoming common.
The early identification and treatment of emotional problems in children is very important, before they develop into serious psychiatric disturbances. A number of symptoms are often the first signs of trouble and must be recognized early. Here are seven questions that you should ask yourself about your child's behavior. If some of the answers are "yes", he may have a problem.
1. Does he have trouble with a teacher or does he appear less interested than usual in school?
2. Does he daydream or become easily distracted?
3. Is he sad and unhappy or irritable and angry most of the time?
4. Are his school grades dropping or is he absent from school more than usual?
5. Does he worry a lot and have trouble sleeping?
6. Does he spend more time alone than before and tire more easily?
7. Does he always blame others for his problems?
It may all turn out to be a false alarm, but allow your doctor to help decide if anything is wrong and if so, what should be done about it.
Over half a million children in the United States are estimated to be currently taking the drug Ritalin for hyperactivity. While many experts claim the drug helps children succeed in school by calming them down and reducing their distractibility, there are growing concerns that the disadvantages of using Ritalin may far outweigh its advantages in most cases.
Side effects of the drug can include loss of appetite, serious weight loss, insomnia, headaches, stomach aches, dizziness, and serious psychological problems such as depression.
Moreover, drug use reinforces the belief in many children that an external force, a pill, is necessary to calm them down.
Parents should always explore other alternatives before subjecting their children to treatment with Ritalin or other psychoactive drugs. These alternatives include dietary changes, family therapy and individual counseling, changes in the method of teaching at school, and relaxation and stress reduction techniques.
The most important thing to remember about parenting is to become a good parent by love and caring. Remember, you are the parent-take control!
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